Makeup Malfunctions

History is laden with tragedy, and in the midst of the world’s problems, makeup malfunctions tend to go unnoticed (and quite rightly so.)

Alas, as the author of a blog dedicated to the history of makeup, I believe it’s my duty to shed some light on makeup’s not-so-pretty past.

That’s right. Today, Yesterface is tackling the heavy issues. And by heavy I mean heavy concealer.

There have been some cosmetic travesties in recent years – makeup mishaps to offend even the sturdiest of eyes – and thanks to the vast sea that is Google images I’ve been able to fish out the worst of the bunch.

So sit back, scroll down, and take heed from the following examples of how NOT to wear makeup!

Top Ten Makeup Malfunctions

1. Mischa Barton

First up, an unusually pale Mischa Barton. A far cry from the sun-kissed Marissa Cooper, Mischa’s washed-out complexion, panda eyes and pale lips are making her look a bit like Casper’s uncle here.

Lesson? Make sure your foundation matches your skintone, and lay off the lower-lid eyeliner.

Mischa Barton looking a tad pale (image: dailymail.co.uk)

2. Sarah from Neighbours

You may not remember Sarah Beaumont, you may never have even watched Neighbours (really?) but fear not, because here’s the lowdown:

Back in the late nineties, Sarah was Karl Kennedy‘s bit on the side when he cheated on Susan the first time round (you fool, Karl.)

Now, I was quite young during this phase of Neighbours and didn’t really know much about makeup, but something which I always found distinctly odd was the PERMANENT BROWN LINE AROUND HER LIPS.

Streuth, Sarah Beaumont's gone crazy with the lipliner again (image: baxendale.u-net.com)

Why?! Why did she apply lipliner after applying lipstick? Admittedly she still looked uber-pretty, but this, much like the theory of relativity, is something I will never really understand.

Lesson? Always follow up lipliner with a matching lip shade. Also, don’t get into bed with Karl Kennedy.

3. Jodie Marsh

It’s an obvious one, and the surgery / peroxide hair / inflated rack definitely don’t help, but next on the makeup hitlist is Jodie Marsh.

I don’t know what’s worse, the caked concealer, the racoon eyes, the crayon brows, the lippy and collagen overload or the fact that it’s all happening at once.

Lesson? Always listen to POD.

(image: celebrity.aol.co.uk)

4. JORDAN

After typing Jodie Marsh into Google Images, Jordan came up as a “related search” (I wonder which one of them is more offended? After all, they’re not exactly pals…) So, I thought it only appropriate that I include the, err, busty business woman in this showcase of cosmetic horrors.

Hopefully the picture is self-explanatory.

Lesson? Less is more. More is awful.

Katie Price aka Jordan's gone a bit OTT with the fake tan / fake eyelashes / fake hair (image: thisislondon.co.uk)

5. Lil Kim

Eeeeshhh. A distinct reminder of how she looked in the Lady Marmalade music video, Lil Kim’s makeup appears to be courtesan-inspired here.

Lesson? One’s face is not a canvas.

Lil Kim's gone nuts with the make up palette (image: fastlifefastmoney.com)

6. Terri Hatcher

Whatever happened to the super elegant Lois Lane? Oh wait, this was for Halloween. Still though, shows what a difference (bad) makeup can make. Especially when trying to imitate the Queen of Hearts. YIKES.

Lesson? There’s a limit to how big false eyelashes should be.

Teri Hatcher looking almost as scary as the original Queen of Hearts. Almost. (Image: hey-dollface.com)

7. Pete Burns

Beelzebub! Lucifer! PRINCE OF DARKNESS AND ALL THINGS UNNATURAL!!!

Again, a large portion of this horror can be attributed to whacky surgery, but the diamante eyebrows and Sarah Beaumont lipliner are crimes within themselves.

Lesson? Excessive amounts of purple eyeshadow may resemble bruising. Also, excessive amounts of lip collagen may resemble mouth of trout.

Pete Burns: the posterboy for bad surgery (image: contactmusic.com)

8. Christina Aguilera

Too much. Just, too much.

Lesson? Don’t hang out with Lil’ Kim, this is what will happen.

Christina Aguilera aka Sideshow Bob (image: accessalex.com)

9. Eva Longoria

The usually immaculate actress looks like she’s had an unfortunate tanning incident here.

Lesson? Unless you want to look like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, go easy on the undereye concealer.

Oh dear.

10. Lady Gaga

The following picture is taken from an interview Lady Gaga did back in 2009, during which she said: “The conception that Gaga is kooky for the sake of being kooky is so wrong… we love avant-garde, but it’s not for the sake of avant-garde.”

Well, whether this look is meant to be avant-garde, or ironic, or a deconstruction of female sexuality in modern society, or whatever, the fact remains that this lady is wearing far too much fake bake!

Lesson? There’s a difference between positively glowing and radioactive (note to self: neon brights do not work for skin tone.)

FAKE TAN ALERT! Lady Gaga looks well and truly baked

Having said all that, there’s nothing wrong with a bit of individual style, the world would be a much duller place otherwise, and we should all be free to express ourselves however we want, bla bla bla, disclaimer etc.

Still, I hope this helps steer those in search of a more natural look in the right direction!

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